Can’t supply a link as was reading this in The Metro free paper this morning on the letters page but there was a letter discussing the BBC3 documentary “I Never Said Yes” which covered the victim blaming mentality that plagues rape cases / victims in this country (apparently).

The letter basically stated that they wondered “How people can even dream to blame the victim for an assault that they were not asking for and how they could even think that it wasn’t the rapist’s fault or responsibility.” They then asked “why does this backward, unfair and totally unacceptable way of thinking exist in our society?”

The letter sparked an interest from me as I generally do not feel that we have a culture that “blames the victim.” Also I think the letter writer was extremely naïve in their portioning of this so called blame. I doubt there is anyone in the UK who categorically blames a victim in these cases because of their attire or says that they were “Asking for it” and as a result the blames falls on the victim’s shoulders. I am certain that society blames the perpetrator of the crime, the rapist solely for their actions.

However, like it or not the letter got me thinking that society actually does portion a certain aspect of blame on the victim within certain rape cases and that the “blame” appears to be one of common sense, i.e. getting into minicabs on your own, wearing revealing clothes, being extremely drunk or high on drugs or going somewhere unknown with strangers. It got me thinking that this “blame” the letter speaks of is less to do with culpability of the crime but a lack of risk assessment and taking actions that could put you in harms way, basically it’s the blame of not using common sense in order to lessen the possibility of harm coming to the victim. Not blame for having this nasty crime perpetrated against you.

With regards to the point the letter writer to The Metro was making above and the documentary that was on BB3 this week, what do you make of it?

I don't think you meant that intentionally but it made me giggle. Heels, mini skirt and boob tube isn't "nice" it's sexaully provocative. Dressing like Kate Middleton is "nice" :)

But I do understand your general point in your post though.

Actually, I did mean nice. And I shall tell you for why!

1) Repetition in tiny paragraphs annoys me, and as you can see I had also used the word provocatively, so saying it repeatedly is just bad English, innit! Searching the thesaurus isn't high on my priorities right now.

2) I guarantee you that even though you may be able to differentiate between boob tubes chic and Kate Middleton class, some girls that dress like that genuinely believe they look "nice". They have made effort to make themselves feel good and look good. Whether the result is achieved or not, they have most definitely tried. Taste, unfortunately counts for nothing.

3) I can look both nice and provocative all in one go, but I am more amazing than most mere mortals...

Someone tried to date rape me once in a pub, no word of a lie, he put something in my drink definitely. It was one of the strangest things that has ever happened to me.

I totally know what you mean dudette, when I write emails at work I also tend to go back over it and then use an alternative word as it just reads so much better. But here on DSI it's all good blud!

One of your points in 2 actually reminded me of that thread on here recently linked to The Sun about the "Older lady" going out local on the town and being barred from certain venues as she was dressed like a slappa. Good point.

If I want any action these days I have to Rohypnol myself . . .

Crap! I thought you hadn't noticed.

Seriously, it was really really fucking weird and could have easily been far far worse!

What was the 'trip' like?

It could have been quite a stretch...

badu - tish

It was really really strange, I just had a total black out and couldn't remember ANYTHING from leaving the pub to waking up and apparently I did some really weird shit in between that you would have thought you'd remember....

Did you get bummed then?

No I don't think so! I was watching the CL Semi Final in West Brompton at a pub with some mates, every other pub in West Brompton/Earls Court is a gay bar and there was a rainbow pub next door. I'd only had 3 pints and felt fine, was talking to this big bald geezer outside about the match and he asked me for a couple of cigarettes which I gave him. Chelsea won and went into the final so everyone was happy and he then said "I keep nicking your fags let me get you a pint" so I asked for a Stella.

He gave me the beer and then we were making small talk and he started to creep me out. I asked if he was married or if he lives with his missus and he laughed and when I told him where I lived he suggested we shared a cab. Alarm bells started ringing and I got the distinct impression he wanted to fuck me up the arse, he tried to put his arm round me at one point! So I downed the pint, pretended to take a phone call and scarpered home. Got in 10.30pm, only had 4 pints, felt fine, saw my missus and she said I was absolutely fine and totally normal.

When I woke up the next day there was a note from my ex gf basically saying that I had threatened her and that she had gone to stay at her mums. She said she woke up in the night and thought I'd fallen asleep on the sofa but found me in a towel on the floor with my clothes in the sink. When she tried to put me to bed I grabbed her by the throat and told her if she touched me again I was going to injure her! I had also sprayed toothpaste all over the bath room and somehow seriously injured my ribs. I remember NOTHING of any of that after getting home and have never behaved that way towards a girl in my life, I can only deduce that the big bald guy had put something in my drink that led to that happening taking into account the amount of drugs I have willingly taken previously and nothing like that has ever happened before!

Puts a whole new perspective on the phrase "Opening yourself up to new experiences."

The victims shouldn't be blamed. There's no excuse for rape. However I am a strong advocate of due diligence. Intelligently protect yourself at all times. Don't leave yourself drunk, vulnerable, and alone.

This applies to rapes, muggings, and random violence alike. I rarely get drunk on night outs any more. Have a few but never in a state where I cannot intelligently protect myself.

So let me get this straight, What you're saying here is.... If I see you in a pub and you are wearing shorts and extremely drunk, then that gives me the right to shove a Magners bottle up your arse?

You've just cut n paste a section of my OP and presented it waaaaay out of context there dudette. Also why are you suggesting that I said that?

The debate continues . . .

P.S. I'd personally prefer a jam jar to be used but then I guess rape doesn't allow the privilage of choice . . .

Imagine what would have happened to the bloke at the bar if he had made it home with you / you made it to his!

I prefer not to think about it tbh! It was the total memory black out that really scares me though, I have never totally lost 8 hours of my life and I am sure I would have remembered the argument with my ex too but I have no recollection of any of it at all. If I was rohypnol'd then I can confirm it is an excellent chemical to use for any future rapes as I wouldn't have remembered anything in the morning at all but probably would have noticed the anal bleeding.

You need more cider in your life.