I'll start…

Don't Fart In a Gimp Suit

DO mutter "christ" under your breath when a girl with massive chebs walks past you in the street.

DON'T expect to get away with it if her fella is with her at the time.

:-)

Don't be completely selfish and self absorbed.

Do look up every now and then – surprise, you share the planet with other human beings, please try to show them some courtesy.*



* yep, I went shopping in peckham morrisons last night.

DO remember the past, especially today

You can toast frozen bread.

do not randomly visit my gaff for the purpose of needin a shit cos you were caught short.

Do not sit on my sofa and reshape my well worn ass groove, you can have the other sofa, dont like then sit on the floor or fuck off.

DO get DSI tattoo's all over your body, and then unsubscribe in a huff when they don't make you a pro-spotter

Dont drink Pints of Mojitos then try and drive one of these in the morning-


YOU WILL get stopped and asked to wait till sober to take it to the wash down.

Don't try and shave your cock and balls using clippers without a grade on.

WTF?! When did she unsubscribe?

after she got turned down for pro again

Don't lose your rag after coming home from a night out to find your flatmate and her friends have trashed all the cleaning you did before you went out, and your efforts to scrub the carpet by letting her friends wear their shoes in the house.

Don't lose your rag when she's filled your favourite glass with fag butts.

Don't lose your rag when you realise she's used the last of your bread, left toast crumbs in your butter and vegemite.

I have learnt a good lesson in self control today.

x

Don't use your girlfriend's netbook to give people directions to a party and then leave yourself logged into Facebook:

I don't like toasted soldiers though.


Kill her. Kill her now. She deserves to die.

Either that or go and use her toothpaste but don't squeeze from the end of the tube, squeeze from the middle instead, smooshing it all up in the process.

Mwhahahahaha!!!!

:-D

I'm fairly tempted to piss in her wardrobe at the moment <33

even more importantly dont try doing that when drunk. you will bleed for england if you nick the skin

do it!!

Leave a slice or 2 on a plate for 10 minutes.

In Tesco yesterday, 2 of the blokes who pick up shopping for home deliverys stopped to have a converstion mid aisle so were blocking my route. I tried to barge one of their trolleys with mine but he moved at the last second so I missed and knocked over a pile of lettuces.