HEAR ME NOW! Comin atcha with the Maybole MASSIF, splittin them peas n spittin 'em at the side orra plate. Large-style ramblin comin over the toppa sum dirty beat. Four-on-the-floor and FIFTY more, splicin slicing an' dicin with them breaks in a reggae stylee. COME ON MY SELECTOR.....GWAN!!!

That there aboveybit is how I speak to my parents and to old people whom I meet in Somerfield in Maybole. They are down with that sort of thing. They could show you a thing or two. And if you mess with them, they'll snap off your head using a blunt sausage.

If you want to know anything else about me, then you're clearly deranged. I shall endevour to enlighten...

I'm Shaun. I'm nearly 30. It's depressing. However I have the mind of an infant. I am single (recently), and discovering the benefits. I can save money. At the expense of an adequate social life. Ocassionally, the saved money gets blown on a more-than-adequate social excursion involving plenty of toxins which can be chewed, sniffed, or drank.

I have my own flat in Maybole. It was cheap to buy, and is cheap to maintain. It needs a new bathroom and kitchen, and a full redecoration. I can't be f**ked. I work as a landscape gardener (elaborate biological fantasy-building) and have strong arms. The rest of me is skinny. Apart from a little beer which I store in my tummy. My work keeps this in check, enabling me to consume far more alcohol than many other people whilst keeping the physical effects to a minimum.


James Mechanoid & Shaun Dimensional (EMOTIQUON)

I sometimes have a goateebeard. I sometimes don't. My hair is scruffy and messy. I use Shockwaves gel to make it even more so. I need a haircut. I can't be f**ked.

I love eating out. I also love eating in restaurants and bars. My favourite food is lots. Sizzlers staff in Maybole know me as Mr Shaun. I LOVE their South Indian Garlic Chilli, and their biggest pizza loaded with:

Spicy Chicken,
Pepperoni,
Doner Meat,
Extra Cheese,
Sweetcorn,
Extra Green Chili

(all together, I call it The Dimensional Unmentionable)

You should all experience it.

I've posted 46 comments, I've not posted in the live-chat yet, and I've not been spotted yet.