25th February 2008

Following requests by almost both of the people who have read my profiles... the original transcript:

Me? I'll tell yaz a bit about me?

Firstly... this music thing.. How loud?? Can we not turn it down a bit so we can hear ourselves talk? And I cant be doing with all this stamping your feet carry-on. Never been dancing, has it? John Travolta must be twitching in his white polyester disco suit. What ever happened to the good old boogie or the twist? Top of the Pops has never been the same since Jive Bunny disbanded... And I doubt Abba were on about young birds in flourescent mini skirts and fluffy wellington boots when they were singing "Dancing Queen"?
Glow sticks? Bloody glow sticks?? Sticks that glow? Whats THAT all about?
And why didnt that Tony Blackbird ever get his own disco nights, like these UnTidy fellows and the like? Lisa Bloody Lashes? Sounds more like a pirates wife than a DJ. What happened to PROPER DJ's like Kenny Everitt and Dave Lee Travis, or that old fart with the white hair and the big cigars who ran marathons in 60 hours and then fixed people?
Hard Dance? Bloody hard dance? There's nowt hard about stamping one foot.. it's piss easy! "Oops Upside yer Head".. now THATS a "hard" dance... you have to do it sitting down with your Auntie Doreen leaning back between yer legs for one thing... now THATS hard, believe me! She weighs 18 stone for Gods sake! Classic Disco music though, I'll tell ya.
Armand Van Buuren? I bought 12 of his jumpers off E-Bay for a tenner last week. Bloody fakes though, I reckon.
And whats with the flashing lights in these disco's? Whats ever happened to the old glittery ball hanging down from the middle of the ceiling?
6 o'clock in the morning? Whats that all about then? Goodness knows how these people ever get up for their paper rounds on a Sunday morning... no wonder my milk never gets delivered til tea time. Last orders at 10.30pm, thats what we need to get back to in this country. And if you dont like it, a clip round the ear from the village bobby and no television for a week for you!
Bottles of water? In a disco?? What do you want to be drinking bottles of bloody tap water at £20 a go for? Get yaself down the Swimming Baths... 50 p to get in, the birds all wear bikini's and you can drink as much water as you want!
Bring back National Service I say.
Drugs? Bloody drugs??Give em a couple of spoonfulls of Night Nurse and shove a Vics Nasal stick up their hooters... that'l put em off drugs! They're even on about horse tranquillisers now! Drugs for horses? Since when did horses go to discos? I ask you.
Bloody horses couldnt roll a twenty pound note up anyway... they'd be all fingers and thumbs. And hooves. And imagine the mess sniffing with THOSE nostrils?
Right.. thats me finished. I'm off to the Working Mens Club for a pint of mild and a game of dominoes. And some k*t.

(Please Note: MrJinx appears courtesy of The Midlands Home for the Old and Bewildered. He is approximately 97 years old and brews his own Metholated Spirits. Please say "Helloo" to him and his young lady friend and show them to a comfortable chair if ever you see them wandering aimlessly round a dancefloor with glazed eyes and dopey smiles on their faces.)

Some Fellow Loons.......


...what a posey git!

And remember.... no-one likes a Gooner.
COME ON YOU SPURS!!!

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