Let's just say for one moment that you were put in charge of the south coast superclub Slinky... elbowing out the current guys and taking control. What would you do with it? What would be your manifesto? I'd personally make sure all the girls wore hotpants and fluffies... well most of them anyway. Here's my five point manifesto and suggestions to get you started.

1. Hotpants and Fluffy Boots

Ensure that all the girls wear pink hotpants and pink fluffy boots. I'm sure I'm not the only one who advocates this policy and it something I'd be prepared to canvass with great passion. Please don't say that's sexist... because it's not.

2. My DJ line-up

For one night only I'm going to put the DJ line-up together that would make the perfect Slinky night for me. Obviously the venue would be the Opera House and these are the acts you'd hear in the main room:

Captain Tinrib Live PA
BK (Hard Beat Classics set)
Steve Thomas
Pete Wardman
Ian M

In room 2 it would start off with electro, going into some classic bouncy speed garage, ending with old skool. That might sound fucking awful, but it would float my boat and it's my party so there.

Ferry Corsten was busy when I asked him, but guess what, you can catch him at the Opera House on March 21st - check it: Slinky with Ferry Corsten

3. Get a lift installed.

I've lost count of the amount of times I've nearly gone arse over tit down those stairs between the hours of 3 and 5 am. Failing that a Stannah stairlift. I could share this with Amo and Richard Skaife on a one on one off basis. Happy days and safe knees for the old fuckers in the house.

4. Make sure that all my mates were VIP

Most of my mates are quite scabby. However, if I ran Slinky I'd make sure they'd all be VIP for the night... and hopefully they won't embarrass me by being sick on Lee Haslam or trying it on with Kym Ayres, or even a combination of the two. By the way, you can still win VIP tickets in this competition.

5. The Lasers

Lasers are cool. Especially at Slinky. If it was up to me I'd slot another 50p in the meter and make sure they were on all night. From 10pm until 5am.

Slinky would like to know what you would do if you were in charge for the night? Don't worry if you can't think of five... it took me bloody ages so one will be enough!

All photos courtesy of Paul Underhill and shot on location at the Opera House for Slinky and round at my house.

Slinky with Ferry Corsten on March 21st @ The Opera House