This article is about Night Shift @ Mass in London (UK), Sat 29 Mar

ERYK ORPHEUS: DJ APPLICATION FORM

NIGHT SHIFT DJ APPLICATION FORM
Only crazy fun people may apply

Name: Eryk Orpheus

Birthday: 25th November 1742

Birthplace: Capel-Le-Ferne

Current Location: Bromley Hospital

Eye Color: Blue/Grey and normally bloodshot from being over-tired!

Hair Color: Dirty Brown

Height: 6 ft 1 inch - 6ft 8 in heels

Right Handed or Left Handed: I'm ambidextrous so I can hold a glass of wine in either!

The Shoes You Wore Today: None, I'm actually wearing a rather fetching pair of surgical stockings and my new blue slippers, ding dong!

What do you do Monday – Friday: I teach music technology part-time and I also produce, remix and shark wrestle when I get time

Your Weakness: Kryptonite and female musicians

Your Fears: Interviews for promotions ;)

Your Perfect Pizza: One that someone else has just paid for

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: I'm hoping to get out to Oz to do some shows later in the year so that'll be another big tick on my list of achievements

Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I've had to stop using them as I wasn't getting anything done

Thoughts First Waking Up: Jesus, I need a pee! (Oh the trials of getting old)

Your Best Physical Feature: I dunno, my arms or hands maybe

Your Bedtime: Whenever I'm too tired to keep my eyes open any longer.

Your Most Missed Memory: The one I can't remember

Pepsi or Coke: Sorry neither, but if a gun was put to my head then it would have to be coke, although this should be mixed with a large shot of brandy, some ice and a lovely slice of lime!

MacDonalds or Burger King: Boo, hiss, don't even go there girlfriend

Your nickname: Well the Nu Energy boys have adopted BFG (Big Friendly Giant) for me although most of my friends still call me Ez, which isn't really a nickname but it's what I've been called since primary school. However, I think Lord Loverocket would be a good nickname ;)

Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla (as long as it's real not synthetic)

Tea or Coffee: Chai Tea

Do you Smoke: Only socially these days

Do you Swear: Like a cunting professional

Do you Sing: Yes, but very badly

Do you Shower Daily: Oh yes

Have you Been in Love: Yeah, I think so

Do you want to get Married: Well it's very kind of you to ask but I don't think my partner would be very happy!

Do you believe in yourself: You have to in this business, coz if you don't then no-one else will

Do you get Motion Sickness: No and the rougher the journey the more I enjoy it.

Do you think you are Attractive: No, but they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder so I'm sure someone must do.

Are you a Health Freak: Oh yeah, chuckle, I always like to have a healthy balance of smoking, drinking and eating rich foods to maintain my glorious physique!

Do you get along with your Parents: I was a fucking nightmare as a teenager but my folks have always been supportive and I learned to appreciate this when I matured so we've got a really good relationship nowadays.

Do you like Thunderstorms: Oh yes, snuggled up in the warm with a glass of vino watching the lightning's well sexy

Do you play an Instrument: Guitar and Keyboards although I don't pick up the guitar as much as I'd like to these days

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Oh yes, I love a good bottle of wine or three. Any donations of wine to the HELP ERYK GET HAMMERED campaign, would be greatly appreciated.

n the past month have you Smoked: Yeah, but don't tell my Mum, she'll kill me

In the past month have you been on Drugs: Only prescribed ones and the occasional spliff

In the past month have you gone on a Date: It's been a bit too hectic to have dated recently but I have promised to take my partner away for the weekend in the not too distant future

In the past month have you gone to a shopping centre: Yes, I live just down the road from an outlet centre so I like to get down there for a bit of bargain hunting (I'm so camp)

In the past month have you eaten a box of chocolates all by yourself: No, but if anyone wants to send me some then I'll do my very best to eat them in one sitting ;)

In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Oh yes, I love Sushi and make it at least twice a month, you need to get your arse down to mine to try it!

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In the past month have you been on Stage: No, I've taken some time out to get some new material together for this year and I've got another month off to recover from my back Op.

In the past month have you been Dumped: No

In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Not when it's this cold but I'm sure there'll be plenty of chance for nudey swimming at HTID in the sun!

Ever been Drunk: Too many times. Most recently on the night before my birthday after being forced (er, hmmmm) to drink a load of Absinthe. Ooh, I was messy. I actually spent my whole birthday the next day throwing up like a supermodel after a three course meal!

Ever been called a Tease: A couple of times

Ever been Beaten up: Luckily enough no, but if the situation ever arises I'm sure crying like a little girl and soiling myself will do very nicely to deter the would-be attacker

Ever Shoplifted/stolen: And what: I plead the fifth amendment!

Ever been arrested and what for: Only once and it was for suspicion of breaking into a Jewelers, breach of the peace and resisting arrest. It actually sounds a lot worse than it was, but it's a long story so for now I'll just let you carry on thinking I'm gangster number 1

How do you want to Die: In a rock and roll blaze of glory in front of a stadium full of adoring fans.

What do you want to be when you Grow Up: As happy as I am now

What country would you most like to Visit: Japan, the culture really fascinates me and I'm planning on getting out there before I'm too old to appreciate it

How would your mum/dad describe you: As a 'worry' I should think

How would your boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/ex lover describe: Hmmmm, probably as sweet or cute but I'd like to think she'd describe me as a wild yet considerate lover with the power of an atom bomb and the stamina of a sparrow flying south for the winter!

Favourite childhood memory: Summer holidays

What would be your ultimate/dream date: Flying somewhere hot for a long weekend of loving

What do you have for breakfast: Porridge with cinnamon and banana or oats and natural yogurt

Who would you most like to cook you dinner: Hugh Fearnley Whitingstal, coz he's the don!

What do you wear to bed: My Birthday suit

Favourite clothes shop: TK Maxx

Number of CDs you own: Quite a few hundred

Number of Piercings: 4

Number of Tattoos: 5

Vinyl or CDs: Vinyl for it's collectibility but Cd's as you don't have to get up and change sides half way through !

Are you ever going to take a night shift interview seriously again? Never

On how many of the above questions have you lied about/avoided the truth: Only one

Article by Hustler, viewed 393 times

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